Fitness · Humor · Lifestyle

Acting like an Asshole

This set back is brought to you by acting like a complete and total asshole.

Part of every person’s dreaded fitness journey are evil evil setbacks.  Typically my setbacks are self-inflicted moments of stupidity.  Bad choices that drive a wedge between me and my immediate success.  Regrets.

Last night, I did something uncharacteristic.  Instead of staying home, watching directTV/netflix, and passing out at 8PM, I got buck wild at a house party.  Well, as crazy as one in their latest 20s is capable of being.

Saturday night, that bitch, started out innocuous.  A cook out.  An angry orchard.  What could possibly go wrong?  It wasn’t until (6 beers, a shot of fireball, a game of king’s cup, 2 games of ride the bus, another shot of fireball, and 2 rum and cokes) later, that I knew I had fallen off the fitness wagon, rolled down a cliff, and swam into the ocean of future regrets.

The problem with being a drunk ass bitch, is not limited to my ridiculous behavior.  It starts there, but then develops into thousands of empty calories from consumed beverages and exactly 784 chips.  That’s the first set back with drinking like a high schooler.  The second problem is the hang over.  There is no way my ass is putting on nikes and hitting the gym when I feel like my head was brutalized with a shovel, and wondering each passing minute if this is when I’m going to vomit the aforementioned 784 chips.  Which those two items could be a fairy tale ending.  I mean if I vomit out all the calories, and I am unable to eat for the entire day – maybe I’ve redeemed myself (not in any healthy way, but calories in calories out nevertheless).  But don’t forget, I’m an asshole.  An asshole that would never possibly make immediate headway following a night of binge drinking.  Sunday morning I consumed Burger King’s greasy disgusting Sausage and Cheese Croissan’which.  Let me break that down for you:

Calories: 420  Fat: 27g  Saturated (Heart Stopping): Fat 11fg and it just gets worse from there, and I can’t continue showing you because it’s depressing.  But if you’re truly interested please google “Burger King Menu Nutrition”  That will show you the comprehensive lowness of my choice.

Directly after ingesting THAT, I took a two hour nap.  I followed that nap up with a trip to another restaurant where I indulged in more fried food to ease the hangover.  Chicken fingers.  French fries.  Diet coke.  Luckily, the diet coke has 0 calories, but tons of cancer.  I have not listed the calories here because it would be depressing.  (And nothing helps depression like eating.)

I proceeded to spend Sunday afternoon/evening inert, watching TV.  As you can imagine this is the best calorie burn ever.  I probably only gained 3 lbs that day.

I’m sharing this anecdote because fitness journeys are ugly.  And mine is no different.  I promised my 3 faithful readers honesty.  And here it is.  Better luck next weekend.

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