Pilates aka Spreading My Legs

Pilates is my shit. No lie. The results I’ve seen from consistent practice = long, lean bodies. Myself, I have been to Pilates maybe four times ever. But all my friends in my #HotGirlTribe that go on the regular look fantastic. 

I’m not really comfortable in Pilates yet. And it has nothing to do with my inability to hold plank pose for longer than roughly 3 seconds or my hatred for electronic dance music underscoring the instructor yelling “work! Work! Work!” In perfect rythem with said edm. It has to do with the following 2 things 

  1. All my bitches in my hot girl squad go to legit Pilates places. Which I am not about to take on. I can’t go there because my gym budget is severely overspent already, and as you know, I own exactly one item from lululemon. Also these studios seem hardcore. I am nowhere near ready to take the summerlin mild challenge, nor am I prepared to get through the class I struggled with in 98 degree heat and some weird level of humidity (hot Pilates). You don’t go from couch to cross fit. Get me?
  2. Pilates feels to me like a lot of time spent on my back with my legs open while I struggle to move into positions that are strenuous and contracting all my muscles to look as attractive as possible.  I typically reserve that kind of action for the gynecologist and the bedroom (or if I’m feeling super crazy, the kitchen. Is that factual or do I hate cooking for others?).  

That being said, let’s discuss the Pilates ring pictured below

That ring has a diameter of 15″. So I’d like you to picture my 5’3″ struggle of getting that mamajama between my legs. Then once I manage that, I have to keep it there all the while squeezing my ass and a million other things. Is anyone else feeling like a total creep in this position. I mean, I understand why it’s used but do you expect me to believe a woman thought of this?!?  Being real, Pilates is a class full of super hot girls contorting in to vagina showcasing positions for an hour. Plus sometimes to make sure your legs stay wide enough apart, you put in a ridiculous giant ring.  Not a woman’s idea. That’s all I’m saying. 

The good thing about Pilates is I can definitely feel the burn in typical lady trouble spots. Triceps, back bulge, saddlebags, etc.  this is key to my success. 

So who’s in to go next Monday night?


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