I have been working on my fitness for a hot minute, so naturally I decided it was time to increase my ass kicking. I decided to take on a personal trainer. Tonight was my first session, which led me to the conclusion that personal trainers are mean.
I’m not complaining (really) because it’s time to push for more results. And while I love body pump and Pilates, if I get tired I take a break and basically everyone in the room DGAFs. But with a trainer, when you start swearing and shaking and suffering, he (mine is a he) says 5 more reps or keep going buttercup.
I maintain that doing planks is the worst form of punishment known to man. In war times, we should capture our enemies and make them hold plank position until war ends. That would be fucking serious. Not only was I prohibited from planking on my knees, I also had to go down to my forearms. There are many things I feel confident doing, but 25 second forearm planks are most definitely not included in that. I did it though. I may have expressed my hatred for my trainer, but I did it.
After the entire workout, he says to me “you actually did really well”. A normal human would have taken that as a compliment. I’m not a normal human. The word actually never belongs in a complement. For example, how would a dude feel if I said “wow! You actually have a big penis”. Let that soak in.
Our next session is Saturday as today was apparently “just” (another annoying qualifying word) an assessment of my abilities. Even though we were just assessing my abilities, I don’t think I’ll be able to lift my arms tomorrow.
Good night fit bitches.