Fitness · Humor · Lifestyle · Women

Yogurt is a FUCKING Scam

I did a thing where I finally sought out assistance to get my fucking eating under control.  After a breakup you eat nothing, so you look great but combined with slowly starving yourself and drinking practically every night, your skin looks like shit.  And worse than looking like a corpse, you feel like one.   So with the power of Yelp, I found a nutritionist covered by my insurance.

I met with her last Friday, and we are now connected on My Fitness Pal.  Which I fucking hate.  I hate it mostly because I am terrible at tracking my food, and because everything that I had assumed to be healthy, kind of is not.  For example, yogurt as a snack is fine.  IF you buy the right yogurt (and for all the other food morons like me-the right yogurt *if Oikos* is in a black container-you’re welcome).

I now understand that to be committed to not being a cow, and getting smaller arms-I. Must. Read. Food. Labels.  Which at first, overwhelmed me.  Mostly because, I don’t know how to read a fucking food label.  But for me, I’m only concerned with the following.  Carbs <30g.  Sugar <5g.  Fiber >Sugar.  The end.  I’m sure calories play in, but that’s on MyFitnessPal for the hired help to police.

In case you are wondering, I am not diabetic nor pre diabetic.  This is a diet that many diabetics follow though, so maybe I can join a support group for people “experiencing headaches for cutting out sugars and wanting to murder everyone in sight at all times”.  Is that a thing?  I fucking hope so.  I would love to meet up with fellow people driven to pyschopathy by their sugar addictions.  It has to be a thing.  If not, I’ll start it.

Another fun thing is 50% of my plate is veggies (not corn, potatoes, or two other ones that count as carbs) 25% (4-6oz) Lean Proteins and 25% Carbs.  Even breakfast.  Adding veggies to breakfast literally blows my fucking mind.

The good thing is, she has made this extremely easy for me, and I won’t have to spend every Sunday-meal planning and meal prepping.  Thank God.  I don’t have the commitment to do that.  And also, if you prep Sunday, by Friday your food is nasty.  And if you disagree-you’re wrong.   Would you guys like me to share some of my recipes on here?  She also gave me travel hacks which I will subtly post on twitter and instagram both @fitgirlmolz.   I am looking to have world domination in this bitch.  Maybe once I regularly update my blog, fitgirlmolz will also manage a pinterest board?

I have added a “before” photo for you to look upon.   I hate my arms, so if there are any trolls reading this definitely point out how big they are so you really hit me where it hurts.

xox

Molz

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3 thoughts on “Yogurt is a FUCKING Scam

  1. Way to go on finding a nutritionist covered by insurance!! You may already know or have been told this, but since you’re watching sugars, you might like Ezekiel bread. It has ZERO sugar and 3g of Fiber!! It doesn’t have the same texture as “regular” bread, but I’ve gotten used to it. (From what I’ve learned, bread shouldn’t be able to roll up into a sticky ball.) I feel like it’s more filling anyway and makes my gut not angry with me because it digests easily too.

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